Johnny Foreigner

I am not one to jump of the bandwagon when it comes to being abroad and dealing with other nations as you travel, but there are times when one has to let off some steam about Johnny Foreigner!

I am also not a xenophobe and I don’t hold stereotypes, well not many anyway but I have to tell you a tale of how sometimes stereotypes are just simply reinforced and my senses are just overloaded!

On the day we went diving we were on a boat with about 20 folks including divers, instructors, crew and ourselves that covered various nationalities from Brits to Yanks, Locals to Hungarians, Dutch to Japanese and then of course Zee Germans!

Now I know there are a bunch of you who are muttering typical Brit! I don’t blame you it’s a stereotype the world has of us, but I need to defend myself I have nothing against Germans but on this day they ticked all the boxes of the stereotypes they are held to. I could write an essay about things on this day but I have decided to give you a little list of things with which Zee Germans came true to form!


  1. The dive boat has one deck for us to relax on with two sun bathing mats, The four Germans true to form had there towels over both mats and were not even using them. And if that was not enough they had their towels on the floor in covering the only area which had any shade from sunbathing! Later in the Afternoon one of the Japanese Snorkelers left her Lime Green Fanta drink on the table which fell off the table and onto a sunbathing German, covering him with sticky green goo and ruining his sun bathing area. Japan 1 – Germany 0.
  2. They have their own Instructor who is also German, he looks like a Mullet-less Kenny Powers (See East Bound and Down) and once diving is done for the day is to be found listening to his iPod on the dive deck, I suspect listening to David Hasslehoffs greatest Hits. To be fair we had a Brit who was from Yorkshire, about 50 and a typical Brit, he may or may not have made some comments towards our European Cousins! The Locals Instructor was a white American who was born and raised in Thailand and spoke fluent Thai, he was the boat master. Thailand 1 – Germany 0
  3. On our first dive Steph, Jeff (Our guide) and I spy a Sea Snake. We stop and hover watching it work its way over the reef. Before I know it I am surrounded by Zee Germans, it’s like I don’t exist barging into me and jostling to get a photograph of the snake. I stand my ground and push off a couple of the blighters, which they did not expect. Britain 1 – Germany 0
  4. Rather than trying to make any effort to come to the boat once they had surfaced, they made the boat come to them, what Sea Snake took you arms and legs!?! Thailand 1- Germany 1
  5. Steph started to see what all these stereotypes are about; she inspired this blog out of sheer disbelief and amusement that such things were true! USA 1- Germany 0
  6. The final straw for me was this view below, I was horrified, nay scarred by this scene that evolved in front of me about 1 metre from my nose…..Game Abandoned in Disgust!